Dear Regina,
If you could see where you'll end up when writing to yourself 25 years from now, you simply wouldn't believe it. The plans you have today hardly hint at what lies ahead. The family you build will fill your life with joy, happiness, and an abundance of love you never realized you needed. You'll gain far more knowledge through both formal and informal learning than you imagined. You'll visit places you once thought unreachable and your career will take surprising turns, resulting in accomplishments you never expected.
However, life isn’t always going to be smooth sailing. Most of your plans will not work out, and you’ll make your fair share of mistakes and poor choices, learning valuable lessons that might not be obvious at first. Some friendships will drift apart, and certain opportunities will remain unexplored. Still, it’s important to remember that after 25 years, you can reflect with gratitude on the experiences you’ve had. So, as you read this, before any of these things occur, I want to offer some advice I wish we would have known back then.
The first thing I want to tell you is to accept opportunities as they arise. Reflecting on the various prospects presented to us—whether employment offers, academic pursuits, or even parenthood—it is common to initially doubt our ability to succeed. Concerns will arise about the requirements involved, the possibility of failure, the inability to achieve desired results and the risk of making the wrong decision. There will be many times, you will question why you have been selected, thinking there are far more qualified or better suited individuals for the opportunity. Many women often feel undeserving, struggling with self-doubt regardless of the opportunities presented to them. Remember, you are not alone—others share these feelings too. Never let uncertainty hold you back, choose to move forward with courage and openness to growth, recognizing that every new challenge is an opportunity to prove your capabilities not only to others but, most importantly, to yourself.
So let me tell you this:
Don’t let potential challenges or failures consume your thoughts. There is no evidence suggesting you will not succeed, so approach each opportunity with full commitment.
Continue to be authentic and trust in your individual abilities; success comes from embracing who you are rather than conforming to others’ expectations.
Embrace new opportunities—even if you feel unprepared or lack specific experience. Trust that growth and expertise will follow. Your willingness to learn will contribute significantly to your leadership development. Remember, even when you may not recognize your own potential, others often do. Place confidence in their belief in you.
Another point I’d like to mention is that striving for perfection can be incredibly draining. While perfectionism may help you reach many goals, over time you’ll notice its downside: it will make you overly critical of yourself if you don’t meet extremely high expectations. So, be patient with yourself and trust the process.
With this understanding, my advice to my 22-year-old self would be:
Every master was once a beginner—excellence is not achieved immediately.
Extend a little grace to yourself; view mistakes as learning opportunities and proceed without dwelling on past mess-ups. Mistakes are inevitable, so focus on continuous progress and ongoing personal development.
Ultimately, I would advise you at 22 that achieving your goals is not a solitary pursuit, and if you are fortunate enough to reach them—regardless of what they may be—you also have a responsibility to support others in their own journeys. You will discover that some of the most fulfilling moments arise from assisting other women, whether by helping someone start their business, supporting a friend seeking a safe space to share personal information, or encouraging a colleague to accept a promotion she may feel uncertain about. Offer guidance to women wherever possible. Rather than subscribing to the notion of lowering a ladder for one individual, consider casting a wider net to uplift many women collectively.
Reflecting on the past 25 years, there have certainly been obstacles along the way. There are situations I wish had played out differently, words spoken that I later regretted, and missed opportunities I sometimes wish I’d seized. I also think about people with whom I've lost contact who truly deserved more appreciation and attention. Some lessons seem to repeat themselves, still waiting to be learned. Just know, everything is going to be okay.
Over the past 25 years, you have consistently demonstrated responsibility in managing your life. Your daily decisions have reflected a commitment to professional and personal development. You have approached your endeavors with a strong sense of purpose, never truly forgetting your core values and integrity. Throughout this period, you have sought to empower others and create opportunities within your community. Your ability to foster lasting relationships across various areas of life is noteworthy. Most significantly, you have devoted considerable effort to self-improvement, recognizing that leadership—regardless of the role—requires continual growth and learning.
Remember that developing your skills, deepening self-awareness, and recognizing your influence as a role model is an ongoing journey. Over the next 25 years, you'll encounter moments when you must inspire and motivate, as well as times that require resilience. Sometimes you'll need to delegate tasks; at other times, you'll have to dive into the finer details yourself. There will be occasions for making bold public declarations, and others when sincere, private conversations are essential.
Believe in yourself and love yourself; I have confidence in your abilities. You're about to embark on an incredible journey, and you'll enjoy every moment of the life you build.
With all my love,
Your Future Self
Coach RM Starks